"GOOD" bye??

From : ........... <......@yahoo.ca>
Sent : Tuesday, May 17, 2005 4:06 PM
To : Rani Widayanti <........@hotmail.com>
Subject : Re: ..


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hi,
this is not a way to say goodbey,as u would agree.

i want to explain the reasons behind my
"reaction"yesterday....also because we have operated
our relationship on a friendship basis ,most of the
time ,i think.
i never felt good abt u being married,and often felt
guilty abt it........all this came at a crucial time
in our life ,i think:
me... getting out of a long relationship,and needing
maybe some help to brake free from some of the pain
that relationship had left.....

you...just getting married ,and maybe a bit confuse
abt the outcome of ur fast marriage......and a husband
that was not so near...

both of us in need .....what a match.....we glued
quite well,with the help of attraction and wanted to
matter to someone.

now i am not saying this just bcause.......i think i
know myself a bit.........and by now i think i know u
bit as well.

we always had to live with the BIG secret of an
affair in the air ,4 us and for the rest of the
world.......then some of the world came to know"our
secret",but even if we pretended not to care,also our
anxiety inside us increased............u know what i
am saying ...it was esiear at the beggining.

yesterday when robert came and rested his head on your
shoulder while u were chatting with me a big blow hit
me............
at first i reacted in jeaulosy and ask u if slept with
him.....and blah blah blah....CRAZY this is ur
husband ,in ur family house..what am i doing????

i am going crazy here........

TELL ME IF I AM WRONG..........but this is the way i
feel....

also u ...........u are reacting more and more in
anger towards me ........u saying stuff like u doubt
that i really care abt u.............HOW CAN I ???
THIS IS GONE A BIT CRAZY ...and i need u to help me
here ..........
ARE U MY FRIEND OR WHAT???


when i saw him putting his head on ur shoulder ,i
felt as an intruser,some who is not suppose to be
there.................are u following me or what?

i think we have learned a lot about each other in the
almost 2 year of knowing 1 another..........but the
SECRET is killing us .

u yourself told me that u felt bad abt being in the
way of me and a possible relationship that i could
have with someone ........U SAID THIS .............so
that means that u also understand what is going wrong
here and now I NEED U TO BE HERE AND SOLVE THIS
problem that we have together ,AND NOT GETTING angry
at me .....that s easy ............come on pls.
u really want to end up all this in burst of emotion?


i am sorry ,i a bit tired now..i have a cold.so i cant
keep the logic anymore.

i also wish to be happy...i wish u that bcause i love
u ........i wish that robert would realize that he
need to get to know u more,bcause u are worth to be
known....i hope u will have patience with him..bcause
he needs to come out of his shell maybe,but i think he
is a good man....and maybe he is hurt by our affair...
i also need to ask u to forgive me for not being more
strong of a friend...........
i will never forget u ,BUT we need to forget eachother
somehow,so we can have the memory of this experienze
teach us somenthing..i hope

.......xxx